chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
