call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
