I got chris browned last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
