woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can't talk, ducks in the car
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
