i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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