Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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