I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
