Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am mentally ready for anal.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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