Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
