i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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