You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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