Ambien. No doubt about it.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need to sanitize my soul.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
