Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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