So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
