If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
