i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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