YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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