the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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