guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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