is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't deserve a penis
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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