woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize