its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
