I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
