Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
