Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
