Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
