I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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