It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
