therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
