I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
