watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
