shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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