Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
