maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
