New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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