if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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