Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
