weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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