When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
