i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
