I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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