So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
