Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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