The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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