Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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