i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
