Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
