I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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