Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
