I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
