I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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